A friend reminded me of this lyric after I shared a picture on the grueling effect chemo has on the body. I want to start by saying thank you to everyone for the human kindness—so far it’s been unbelievable! Big shoutout to my own nearest and dearest for putting up with my antics over the last couple of month! I love you!
Well, for once, it isn’t raining in Ireland. It’s snowing! A new layer of complication and self-reflection and the message that each one of us is Blessed.
I am now over 75% the way through my chemotherapy (Mvac), and this coming Monday and Tuesday will take rounds 7/8 which by the grace of God will complete my journey, and I will start the road back to full health.
Thursday the 15th I will rescan, and again the doctors will hold all the card on how it plays out. This terrifies me and motivates all at the same time. I’ve learned that as physical as cancer is, the game is ultimately played and won in mind.
Letting go of the constant thoughts running through our heads opens up the gateway to our true being.
I have one outcome in my set in my mind! Can you guess what that is?
Is this hope? Is this just a fantasy? But how do you hope without fantasy? I’ve been thinking about that lately, trying to find hope without denial. Denial of my health symptoms is what made me ignore my serious health issues for a long time before I was diagnosed with cancer. But hope is what keeps me in the positive mental state enough to keep going.
How do I hope with honesty towards myself? I have been carefully checking my heart over this process to make sure I’m staying balanced, and the last two weeks have been making hope come alive in my heart. Hope is concrete, reality. Fantasy is all in your head.
And lately, my reality has been both terrible and beautiful at the same time.
Last week I did a shoot with the fantastic Juliana Scodeler to try capture the moment and express what I’ve lacked in words. (Insert photo ) That evening I walked the red carpet for “The gossies” and went home with the “Best Music Act” award.
Was that divine timing? To me, it signified a sense of certainty and hope that “this too shall pass.” It was a simple nod that I’ve been holding the perfect space of reality while maintaining hopefulness in a realistic way.
It really felt like my “staring the lion in the face” moment. I wasn’t afraid, and I ended up walking away with the prize, even though just a nomination was an honor, and would have been more than enough.
You have the ability to choose which way you lean in every moment—the noise will come, the report will come, the scan will come, the outcome will make itself known. And through it all, we have to have concrete hope through our reality.
Like the drugs, I’ve let the news, both good and bad, pass through my body. The noise that my mind makes is no different than the chemicals that is pushed through my body. It’s what you ultimately chose to give your energy too that matters.
I’m giving my energy to awareness, hope and being present right now.
Share what you’re feeling. Talk about it. Check-in with yourself. Evoke change now, so you don’t get caught off guard or sideswiped by the storm.
Love and Light,